One Mommy's story of a public bathroom

I guess this story is at the top of the list for “requests” by my friends. They really like for me to tell the story to their friends to make their friends laugh as well. So, in hopes of making everyone have a little snicker… Here goes…
A few months ago Will, Kate, Cali, and I went to eat with some friends of ours that we had not seen in a long time (funny thing, I still don’t think they have even heard this story). I was aggravated because we were eating lunch at a later time than usual (do I need to explain the food thing again?). We get our food and I go through the whole “mommy” thing, where only MOMMY can get my food ready for me to eat, only MOMMY can pass me my drink, only MOMMY can cut up my food. So, only taking a few bites of my food, Cali emphatically proclaims, “I need to doo doo.” Bless her heart (and Kate’s), the girls cannot say poo poo, they insist on saying DOO DOO. I usually follow with a “you need to poo poo?”, emphasizing the POO POO part --- to no avail.

So, since I am already upset about eating late, which not only puts me in a sore mood, but the girls as well, I say aloud, “Sure, why not? Kate, do you need to go, too?” Now, if I didn’t want her to respond with, “Yes”, then I should have never asked because of course if Mommy is going, she needs to go too (By the way I am in love with this because I know I will not always be her favorite person). So, I venture off to the public, germ infested, e.coli breeding facilities and proceed to help Kate potty first. I cover the toilet seat with half of the roll of toilet paper, pick Kate up, and place her on the toilet seat. She has this down. She knows the rules for pottying in a public bathroom. She usually rocks back and forth on her thighs, hands up in the air trying not to touch the potty, while trying to potty.

While she is pottying, I am unsnapping Cali’s jumper (one piece, snaps between the legs all the way down to the ankles). Kate finishes, I whisk her off the potty, put her to the side, give her a piece of TP to wipe, replace the TP on the potty (because most of it was pulled off when I whisked Kate away), and place Cali on the potty. Kate finishes wiping, throws her TP in the potty, which sends Cali into an uproar. She is trying to potty and Kate just through something in her potty! Now, remember, Cali does not have the rules to pottying in a public place down yet, her hands are firmly planted on the TP’d toilet seat, and she is just talking away to me. “Cali, hurry up and poo poo so we can go eat.”

“Mommy, I doo doo more.”

“Yes, I know, just hurry up.”

This conversation continues while I am trying to tuck her pants legs from her jumper under itself so that it stays out of the potty in the back. About this time I hear, “Mommy, this floor smells soooo good!” In about two seconds I thought, “She’s kidding right?” I was convinced I would not turn around and see… yes, I did turn to see my four year old on all fours sniffing the floor!

I don’t know exactly what I said, but I did explain that the nice smell was from the deodorizer that sprays about every two minutes (I think it probably sprayed ten times while we were in there). I was explaining while I stripped her shirt sleeves clear up to her shoulders and proceeded to wash her in the sink. I was so carried away by the thought of all the germs on her and trying to get them off, I totally forgot Cali’s pants legs were tucked in the back of her clothes. I noticed this as I pulled a paper towel off and handed it to Kate. I snatched her up off of the toilet, water dripping from her pants legs, and slapped her diaper back on her. I am now ranting to Kate to NOT TOUCH ANYTHING. I wash my hands and Cali’s arms and hands and carry her back to the table. (Everyone has finished eating but me by this point). I sit her across my lap with her legs dangling, so I can finish eating. Will wants me to be able to enjoy my meal, so he reaches over and picks her up. I DID NOT laugh when he asked, “Why are her pants legs wet?” . . .