And just when I thought

Well, I thought the most important prayer worthy news of the day would be that the buyer backed out on buying our house. Boy was I wrong! I found out that a dear friend of mine's husband (who is also very dear to me) had surgery today. Please pray for Rick. Alice and Rick mean so much to me and to my family. I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am that God has allowed our lives to intermingle.

Then, I come home and through another blog, I learn about a woman, diagnosed with breast cancer, a new mother (just came home from the hospital with her baby girl), passed away. Please say a prayer for this family. I cannot imagine what this family is going through and what this baby girl's life will be like without her mother. Oh, how I love my children. Please, LORD, never let me take it for granted. . . Please let me be your instrument to teach my children about you. Please allow me to see my children accept YOU and to follow YOU. Give them a heart to know you, LORD.

It's amazing how God has humbled me through this day. I am so caught up with ME that I forget that it's not about ME. It's about Him. I am sorry. I am sorry to my wonderful Savior that loves me despite my faults. I am sorry to my friends that need my prayers more than me. I am sorry that there are so many families suffering and in pain while I am concerned about selling my house. I cannot imagine how any of you still want to befriend me after seeing this selfishness in me. To those of you that have needed me-- I am here, and I am sorry. . .

A tummy ache healed from shopping?

Kate has been complaining of a tummy ache off and on for about three weeks now, mostly when I am at work, rarely, when I am home. So today I had decided maybe I should take her to the doctor, but when she told me that a trip to the galleria (instead of going to Mother's Day Out) would heal her tummy, I decided that maybe a doctor visit was not in the plans for the day.
We arrived at the galleria at 0930. Did you know that the galleria doesn't even open til 10am?

Well, I have never had a desire to pop in at 0930, so I had no idea. We walked around and looked in the windows until the stores started to open their doors. Then, we shopped. Then, we shopped some more until next thing you know it was lunch time. Will met us for lunch and then we shopped some more. Kate loved the lego store! She begged for lego's, but we bought NONE! I cannot believe I didn't give in to her. . . But, then Will found out from his mom that she still has his old lego's from when he was a kid in her attic! So, Kate will get already paid for Lego's! Even better.

Tomorrow is the day that we should hear back from the guy who has a contract on our house. He sent the home inspector out this past Monday (the day it flooded), and he said he would review all of the things that the inspector found and get back with us Friday. So, once again, I am nervous. I still feel like this is the move God is telling us to make for our family. I just continue to be nervous that things won't just "fall in to place". But at the same time, I am warmed up to the idea of living in Denver and being with my family and I am ready to get the show on the road. . . Cause that is exactly what it will be with two kids on a 22 hour drive. A show. I should probably contact TLC or NBC to see if they want to do a reality show or a documentary.

Clinicals are almost over. I have about 60 hours left and then I am done with clinicals! Yay! Then, I just have to get through all of my tests, graduate, and pass boards. . . stress. . .

Well, I am glad that a little shopping did Kate's tummy some good. Hopefully, she will feel better once her mommy is not gone all the stinkin' time!

Where have I been

Well, I have been on sabbatical from publishing blogs. Okay, really I have been working and doing clinicals nonstop for weeks on end now. As a matter of fact, I am at clinical right now (missing my family) at 1207am blogging. The alarms are dinging, the babies are screaming (well, the ones that aren't intubated), and people keep walking by my door talking very loudly.

My goal is to make it through the next few weeks/months and by the first of the year, I should be blogging consistently. Consistently from a new location. Denver. Colorado. That's right. You heard me correctly. We are loading up and heading out west! As soon as the house sells. So, before I go into great detail. Here's a link to my house. Check it out. Let me know what you think and PLEASE spread the word. I want it sold, so I can start looking for a new home =)

I finally figured out how to get the copy and paste to work! Well, actually Alana did...but I'll start blooging again now that it's fixed!

Why does copy and paste not work

Okay, so I have a few blogs that I wanted to post. Normally, I type them in word and then copy and paste over to blogger. This hasn't worked in weeks. Anyone know why?

Guess what I am eating and how much I weigh

Okay, so it is official. I eat when I am stressed. I eat BAD foods when I am stressed. I cannot control myself. I have no self control when I am eating. Here's what I mean: This is what I had to eat tonight for my after dinner/ before bed snack:
Any guess as to what it is? You would probably be totally appalled at the lack of nutritional value and the flavor combination. I keep saying that I will eat healthier when I am finished with school. I don't think my health can wait that long. I stepped on some scales today at work to see my weight. Any guess how much I weighed?

So now I have the obligation to myself (after I finish this bowl of) to alter my UNhealthy lifestyle.

If anyone knows how to add more hours to a day or more days to a week-- that would be great. Just let me know.

Do everything without complaining or arguing

6:30 a.m. on my only off day for 7 days and I am sleeping peacefully. "Mommy, I'm hungry. Please fix me a peanut butter sandwich"

The dishes are piled up on both sides of the sink

The laundry overflows out of the laundry basket onto the floor

The milk jug is empty

"Mommy, I need you to take me to the potty."

I have a paper due in two days

I haven't had eight hours straight of sleep in a very long time

I miss my kids

I miss my husband

It is so hard to do EVERYTHING without COMPLAINING OR ARGUING! I am so selfish. I want it all to work out the way I want it to work out. I want to spend lots of time with my family. I want to be done with school. I want my bills to be paid. I want the clothes to wash themselves. I want the dishes to wash themselves. I want the food to cook itself. I have had to stop myself SO many times in the past two weeks for wanting to complain or argue.
It's so hard to set a good example for my children and ask them to do everything without complaining or arguing if I can't do it myself.
I'm trying. I am trying to consciously tell myself to just do it and don't complain (out loud) about it. Maybe if I tell myself enough I will just quit doing it. I don't mean to be such a complainer.
At least I have a husband
At least I have children
At least I have a home
At least I have food
At least I have a job
At least I can go to school
At least I have my salvation

~ Do everything without complaining or arguing ~Phillipians 2:14

Ethics

I have spent about eight hours today working on a paper for one of my classes. While doing research for my ethics paper, I found a quote that I really like. It's from Hippocrates:

"To attempt futile treatment is to display ignorance that borders on madness"

Only 176 more days. . .

56 hours of clinical done. Only 124 more hours to go this semester. One neonatal A&P exam down. Two more to go. One MAJOR exam down. Three to go. I have barely had any time to study because of work and clinicals, much less work on the required assignments! So, hopefully, tomorrow someone can find something great for Will to do with the girls so I can get some of these assignments done!

If you’ve ever read my blog before, you know I am not a procrastinator. Well, unless it involves my kids. Then, I feel obligated to procrastinate.

To all of my wonderful friends, those that I talk to on at least a weekly basis and those that I don’t even know: I apologize for the lack of time that I have recently invested in our friendship. I am a bit overwhelmed with STUFF. Don’t worry, it’s almost over. Only 176 days until graduation. . .

Incentives

Sticker incentives. We allowed Kate to earn stickers when she was having trouble taking naps during the day. When she filled a card, she was able to get a reward. It worked great.

Recently, since I have been working and doing clinical so much, the girls have not been easy to get to bed. They really miss me (and I REALLY MISS THEM, TOO!) So, we decided to start the sticker incentive back.

This is Cali’s first time at the sticker incentive thing. . . I don’t think she cares about being rewarded as much as she does being with her Mommy--- She only gets stickers when I am NOT here. Sad.

No NAP for me!

Cali was so determined to NOT take a nap today unless I slept in her bed. I did not have time to take a nap in her bed today. So while I was working, she crawled up next to me on the couch. Then, I heard a snore.

I thought this would be the perfect time to paint her fingernails and toenails. After all, she wouldn’t be moving and touching and kicking.
It worked! She was so happy to see the results!

Random girl pics

Tick

I have seen one too many fits pitched around this house lately. I was over it. I got out the video camera and videoed Kate and Cali having a melt down. After their meltdown, I finished getting them ready for bed. Will put Cali to bed so I could talk to Kate about her behavior without Cali interrupting. I showed her the video of her pitching a fit. She was sad that she acted that way.
While she watched the video, she begged me to never show it to anyone. So, I promised that if she would try really hard to not pitch a fit that I would record over it.

As we discussed her behavior and what I could do to help her with it (I know that sounds cheesy, but I want to know what makes her tick), ironically I found a tick on the back of her head. A big, ugly tick! I knew that she would get freaked out quite easily, so I yelled for Will to come to the bedroom. I had to yell a few times because he didn’t come right away. [The yelling woke Cali up, who decided to come see what all the yelling was about]. When he got in the bedroom, I told him the situation.

Tick.

Attached.

To the back of . . .

“No, Mommy, NO! Don’t hurt me!” “What’s a tick?” “What do you mean?” “I can’t breathe” “Don’t hold me down” “Why’s it on me?” “Help!” “You’re hurting me!” [All the while Kate is screaming, crying, turning blue, flailing on the floor].

Will and I hold her down, after struggling for a few minutes, I pull the tick off (with a nice hunk of her bleeding skin) and proceed to show it to her. I explained it something like this, “See this bug, Kate, it was eating your head. That skin in its mouth is from your head. It was sucking the blood right through your skin. It was stuck to your head and it wasn’t going to let go until I pulled it off.” I then let it crawl on a piece of toilet paper for a couple of seconds so she could see that it was alive. Then, Will smashed it and killed it. She finally started to breathe normal again and the screaming stopped.

I thoroughly checked her and Cali for more ticks at this point (I won’t talk about how I think Cali is a masochist and sat in my lap for me to “Do me Mommy. I want a tick.”). The whole time Kate is asking thirty questions. “Where did it come from? How did it get on me? Do they live in houses? Did it get in my bed? Why do animals have ticks? Why did it bite me? Why didn’t it hurt? Do ticks hurt? Have you ever had a tick? Did it hurt?. . .” on and on and on.

So, I answered all of the questions, calmed them both down and put them to bed (did I mention this whole ordeal only took about an hour or maybe a little more?)After putting them to bed, I walked to the kitchen where Will was painting and mentioned that he should check that place on the back of her head tomorrow to make sure it looks okay and that there isn’t any kind of rash or anything. I very casually said, “Bless her heart, I don’t want her to end up with Lyme Disease after all that!” A few minutes later I hear, “MOM, come here!” I go in the bedroom and she says, “What’s Lyme Disease?” Oh, geez. . . she’s a certifiable hypochondriac at the age of four, like mother, like daughter

What age is okay to wear make-up?

When your Mommy starts wearing make-up more regularly (because her friend Marion took her for a makeover at Bare Minerals), it makes you think you should wear it too! Two is an okay to start wearing make-up, RIGHT???

Slip n slide

Saturday was my “study day”. Here’s what I was studying for most of the day:

We bought this wonderful slip ‘n slide from WalMart for $5. It was worth every dollar. The kids played for about an hour. Cali thought it was a wonderful idea to run sit in my lap after she “slid” each time. Needless to say, I was soaking wet and I never “slid” myself (Not that I would, it just looks too painful for an adult.)

Alana came for a visit Friday night/ Saturday. . . Here she is cuddling with Cali on the couch. . .

Break it down

Galatians 5: 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

The law. God’s law. Given to Moses. The ten commandments. Look at the last six. Honor your father and mother (Love your neighbor. . . this includes your parents). Do not murder (Love your neighbor as yourself. . . don’t be angry with your neighbor). Do not commit adultery (Love your neighbor. . . don’t lust upon her husband). Do not steal. (Love your neighbor. . . don’t take it because they won’t even miss it). Do not lie (Love your neighbor. . . don’t make up something). Do not covet (Love your neighbor. . . don’t keep up with the Jones’ . . .or the Goggins’ or whoever your neighbor might be!). The last six commandments are about our neighbors, our fellow man.

How can we love our neighbor as ourself if we are angry, lying, lustful thieves that don’t care what our parents say and want what everyone else has and can’t be content with our own lives? Yea, I stink at these, too. I’ll just address a couple of them (we could be here for hours if I talked about them all). . .

I have questions about the honor your father and mother. Who are my father and mother? Biologically speaking or figuratively? I do not dishonor anyone, but I don’t exactly acknowledge the honor thing. . . I’ll have to look into this. . .

I get angry. I get really angry. I have real anger issues. (I saw a shrink when I was younger, she said it was good to be angry and to express my anger, because if I held it in it would lead to depression. . . another story for another day. . . ). So, how do I deal with my anger? I pray. It is so hard to do when I am frustrated, but I am overcome with convictions from being angry. I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want to get angry. I don’t like being angry. I am mean when I am angry, but I’m working on it.

Galatians 5: 15If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Sometimes, it is so easy to point out our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ’s faults. It is so appealing to point out someone else’s faults (especially since we ARE all Christians and we should be held accountable). But are we holding each other accountable or are we tearing apart the kingdom of Christ. Are they really faults or do we just consider them faults because it isn’t in OUR plan? If I am a follower and proclaimer of Jesus Christ and YOU are a follower and proclaimer of Jesus Christ, then why do we point out each other’s apparent wrong doings (?SIN?) to other believers? Shouldn’t we be working together?

If God calls you to a ministry, who am I to judge if that is the right ministry for you? If you feel God leading you to make a decision, who am I to question that decision? Just because it is not the decision that I would make, does that mean you are wrong for making that decision?

Eight weeks

Here’s to the next eight weeks. Eight more weeks in this semester of school. And only one more semester after this one! Praise God! I have truly enjoyed the last couple of weeks off from school. I will be so excited when I graduate and can spend more time with my family!

Cali has been peeing in the potty for the past few days (since I have been off work). She’s been pooping in the potty since about this time last year, but we haven’t pushed the issue of peeing in the potty (especially since her MDO class this year didn’t consistently potty train). Hopefully, she will keep it up when I go back to work.

Kate is growing up so fast. She is still in love with her kitten, Strawberry. She drags her all over the house playing with her. If she colors, the cat is in her lap watching. If she’s watching a movie, the cat is right beside her watching it with her. If she’s doing puzzles. . . well, you get my drift. We’ve been working on reading and writing activities. She does a good job reading and writing when SHE wants to do a good job; otherwise, she acts like she doesn’t know a letter from a number. . . Where does she get this stubbornness?

Will is well. He actually saw me for the last few days. AND I washed all the clothes and sheets, cleaned the house, scrubbed the girls bathroom and stayed up late watching LOCKED UP with him a couple of nights. Hopefully, he will survive for the next eight weeks without quality time with me. . .

Me? I'll let you know after Tuesday--

Am I trying to please YOU or God?

It is so hard to not get caught up in worldly things when living in the world. (Like, where else would I live, Mars?). How can I be an example and let Christ’s light shine through me without trying to please the world. I mean after all, if I am trying to be a godly example and make people see Christ, then shouldn’t I please them and not make them feel guilty for their actions?

It is so hard to give the, “God loves you and He wants what’s best for you speech”. After all, Satan came to steal, kill, and destroy and right now, Satan is doing just that. We are at war. Not in Iraq or Iran. Here, in the United States, right now. We are at war in our houses, in our families, in our jobs, and in our friendships. Satan is infiltrating our lives. He is trying so hard to strengthen his army. I am so glad that I am on the WINNING SIDE of the war by following Christ.

Why do I pretend that knowing Christ is all love and butterflies? It’s not. It will be, but it’s not. My life is not perfect because I follow Christ. Nor do I know anyone’s life that is perfect because they follow Christ. I still have bills to pay, sick children, financial needs, and other needs that need to be met. I fail miserably as a wife, mother, friend, and nurse. But I am confident that my eternal home is secure. (I am also confident that God provides for ALL of my needs in Jesus Christ, even though it is not the way that I plan it!)

Sharing Christ so that others have an eternal security with Christ is difficult. I am sure that many false conversions begin this way. “Please, ask Jesus to forgive you for your ‘sins’ and to live in your heart.” Seriously? People think that’s all it takes to become a Christian? You think that all a person needs to do is to repeat some heartless prayer and POOF! they get a free ticket in to heaven? Come on people. No one should be that ignorant. No one should water down God’s word and His gift of eternal life to introduce someone to Jesus Christ. If you do, just don’t bother. Their heart isn’t ready. Yes, Jesus wants everyone to come to a knowing relationship with him (2 Peter 3:9), but you can’t pick and choose the parts you want to accept and follow (or share).

There’s a difference in living like the world to reach the world and living like Christ to reach the world. Oh, how easy it is to confuse the two. I feel myself wanting to please people so often. Why do I care if people like me or accept me? I shouldn’t. I should only care that I am being a reflection of Christ (and I sure do fail at this). So, as I spend my next four days off from work and school, I hope to begin this change. I hope to make my actions and words pleasing to God, not to others.

Galatians 1: 10Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Cali's first REAL haircut

My baby girl still doesn’t have much hair on her head at all, but at least it isn’t so pitiful looking now. . .

I cannot imagine what my baby girl was going through when she had these…

As much as I love spending time with them, does it really need to be while she’s sleep deprived on Benadryl? Not really quality time for either of us.

But now that she is over it and off the Benadryl (Praise God!), can she fall asleep before 9 pm at night?!?!?!?

I know I have said it before

but, these verses lay heavily on my heart for my children. . .

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. ~ Philippians 1:9-11

Happy 18th Wedding Anniversary!

I had the privilege of watching Marion’s kids for a few hours Monday night, May 4th. It was Marion and Brian’s 18th wedding anniversary! WootWoot! I am so grateful that she let me watch them. Olivia and Cameron (their oldest) are the biggest help with the kids and Baby Daniel is a Gerber baby. He is 11 months old now and weighs as much as Cali! Here are a couple of pics from the evening.

FOUND KITTEN

Dreamy was in the girls bedroom. She came out this morning when they came out. Geez. She runs from them all day. Who would have thought she would be in their room? Well, Happy birthday to me! She's back!

MISSING CAT

It’s not Kate’s cat, Strawberry. It’s not the little 6 ounce kitten everyone was so worried about. It’s the other cat, Dreamy. The whole reason I even gave in to getting a cat- for a calico. Preferably, a calico that reminded me of my first cat, PawPee. PawPee was given to me by my grandmother’s friend, Jimmy. I was never allowed to have pets, but when I was going through some difficult times in my teenage years, he thought it would be a good idea for me to have a pet. So, he talked Nonnie in to letting me have a cat.
After having kids, I did not really want pets. I wanted to just spend time with my kids and a pet was just something else to take care of (and who has time for that!). I still only wanted to do this, but, the more Kate asked, the more willing I was to give in and get one. Under one condition, that it was a calico cat. Well, our neighbors cat had kittens, no calicos. Then, Marion called and said that her friend had found some kittens and guess what? One was a calico. Yay! So, we went over to see them and Kate didn’t care too much for the calico. She fell in love with the runt. Well, I didn’t want to take home the runt. I wanted the calico. So, we opted to take both kittens. They wouldn’t be as lonely. Kate and Cali both could have one. I would be so happy to have a calico (share her with Cali). She reminded me so much of my first kitten. I even found old pictures of my cat and showed them to Will, the girls, and Marion. It made me think about Nonnie. It made me think about how much I missed her. It made me remember how much she loved me and wanted me to be happy. It reminded me how I loved something and cared for something for the first time in my life (big step for me). It reminded me of the pain that I was going through at the time. It reminded me that PawPee was my only honest form of therapy at the time. My brother even stopped by here and got to see Dreamy. He thought she looked like PawPee,too.
So, we took them home. We named them (well, Kate and Cali named them). We bought them supplies ($100). We took them to the vet and paid their entire first year, plus this visit UP FRONT ($750). I come home from work today. Will had decorated for my birthday. The kids sang. We ate cake. The kids brushed their teeth and went to bed. Will left to go play tennis. I looked for Dreamy (mine and Cali’s cat). I couldn’t find her. I called Will. I’m sure he thought I was overreacting. No cat. No Dreamy. Never found tonight. Will has no idea what happened or where she is. He says he is pretty sure she couldn't have gotten out, but not 100%. What a happy birthday I will have tomorrow. She hasn’t even been here a week. If she got out, she won’t be back. She can’t find her way back. She’s too playful. She’ll probably be killed.
So, now, I am up typing this with a 6 ounce kitten in my lap. Why? Not because I like the kitten as much as everyone else. Because she is meowing and crying. She misses her sister. I enjoyed the moments of reminiscing that I had. Now I am mourning over the financial implications and over memories. Not from this kitten, Dreamy. She hasn’t been here long enough. Over the memories of my past, especially Nonnie. But, everything happens for a reason. Cali’s young. She won’t know the difference. Kate will be fine with it. She said Dreamy beat her cat up anyway. It’s one less mouth that Will has to feed. One less pee/poop Will has to clean. Guess we will see what tomorrow brings. I wish Will would stay home and help look for her. Not that she can be found. I just don’t feel like spending my birthday looking for my lost cat, to just not be able to find her. . .

It's over

The test is over. I passed. Thank you, Lord! I'm off to spend time with my kiddos. Oh, and Cali's cat's name is Dreamy. She named her.

Final Exam for this semester

My final exam for this semester is in the morning at about 10ish/1030ish. Pray that I do well. I am exhausted and sick. I am having MAJOR test anxiety-- don't know what that is about! Well, actually, I do. I am ready to be finished with school. I am ready to have my life back. I am ready to spend lots and lots of time with my kids. I am ready to not rush anybody into anything. I am ready to have some patience. I am ready for time to not matter as much. I want my family back. I miss them. I broke down and cried tonight. I can't study. I haven't been able to study for this finaly because of guilt. Guilt about NOT spending enough time with my kids. Guilt about being a sorry mommy that works all the time. Guilt about being guilty. God, I know this is what you want me to do. PLEASE, give me the strength and the wisdom to get through. . .

Kate has a new love

Today I got a call that there were some kittens found in a dumpster and one was calico. I said I would only have a calico cat (this was what my first pet was). So, we went to look at them. The calico looked good, but Kate IMMEDIATELY fell in love with what I think (hope) is the runt of the litter. There were six kittens total and the one that Kate fell in love with (her name is now Strawberry Shortcake) is about half the size of the others. She plays and eats and has peed, but I am worried she might be sick. She really likes to sleep and she is so much smaller than the others. Will is going to take them both to the vet in the morning. Hopefully, whatever she has is treatable, because Kate is in love with her. She informed me that her kitten was the best kitten in the whole world.

Oh, and her name. Originally, Kate named her Ella, but after we arrived home she changed it. She said she didn't look like an Ella, she looked like a Strawberry Shortcake. We couldn't get anything shorter out of her. . . I'll let you know what the vet says about her health.

Since I worked on Easter, I didn't get to see the girls in these dresses on Easter

Easter baskets came a day early at our house

Since I had to work Easter, the girls received Easter baskets a day early. Seeing that Easter is not about the presents anyway, this was NOT a hard decision to make.

The Christian's come to visit!

Tina, Gino, Corbin, and Caroline Christian came for a visit over Easter. They were mostly here to see their family, but we were able to spend a little time with them also. Corbin and Kate have been playing together since they were about 6 months old (until Tina moved to Utah). It is amazing how much they have grown! It is also amazing how much they LOVE each other. They wanted to ALWAYS be right next to each other, the whole time they were here! It's so sweet. Caroline and Cali did fine playing together. Cali was mostly just "watching" as these two "strangers" played with her things.

I miss you already, T!